ACTUAL COMMENTS BY LAWYERS

"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide...

1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3) Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?

4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6) Were you alone or were you by yourself?

7) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

8) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

9) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

10) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

11) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

12) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

13) So you were gone until you returned?

14) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

15) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

16) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

17) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

18) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?