LAW QUEST

Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead attorney in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What do lawyers have in common with sperm?
Only one in 20 million has a chance of becoming a human being.

What's the difference between a female attorney and a pit bull?
Lipstick.

Did you hear that the post office had to recall a recent stamp release? The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

The "Lawyers Creed": A man is innocent until proven broke.

It was soooo cold last winter (How Cold Was It?) that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets.

Say that you're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and an attorney. You have a gun, but only two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the attorney twice.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
It might be your bicycle.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller.