COMPUTER AND A MAN
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter
A cucumber won't need to be sucked off
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is
A cucumber won't lie to you about having a vasectomy
A cucumber won't want to come on your face
A cucumber won't fall asleep too soon
A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow
A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot
A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while you're asleep
A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer
A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun
A cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning
A cucumber can alwsays wait until you get home
A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you out to get Milk Duds
A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival
A cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?"
A cucumber won't want to join your support group
A cucumber never wants to improve your mind
A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator
A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is
A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet
A cucumber a day keeps the ob-gyn away
A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink
A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat
A cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore
A cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors
A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library
A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet
A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman, for another man, for another cucumber
A cucumber will never call and say, "I have to work late, honey." and then
A cucumber never snaps your bra, or pinches your butt
A cucumber never has to call "the wife"
A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move
A cucumber won't wear shorts to your office party
A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve
A cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy blonde
A cucumber doesn't care if you always spend the holidays with your family
A cucumber won't ask to be put through Medical school
A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually
A cucumber won't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy."
A cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised catholic, jewish, or orthodox vegetarian
A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything
An average cucumber is at least seven inches long
At a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat
Cucumbers stay hard for a week
Cucumbers don't get too excited
Cucumbers are easy to pick up
Cucumbers can get away any weekend
Cucumbers don't care if you are a virgin
Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin
Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin
Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall
Cucumbers don't have sex hangups
Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bad with your boots on
Cucumbers aren't into leathers and chains, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits and nuts
Cucumbers never need a round of applause
Cucumbers won't ask: Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times?
Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski/tennis instructors
Cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations
Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one
Cucumbers can handle rejection
Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow
Cucumbers won't give you a hickey
Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot
Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month
Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for him
Cucumbers never asnwer your phone or borrow your car
Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest
Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor
Cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub
Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold
Cucumbers can't count to "10"
Cucumbers don't tell you they like you better with longer hair
Cucumbers never have mid-life crisis
Cucumbers never have to tell you what they did while on vacation
Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do
Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom
Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers
It's easy to drop a cucumber
No matter how you slice it, you can always have your cuke and eat it too
No matter what age group you are in, you can always get a fresh cucumber
With a cucumber you can get a single room ... and you won't have to check in as "Mrs." Cucumber
With cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once
With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry
With a cucumber, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season
With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it
You won't find out that a cucumber is: married on penicillin trying to screw your sister.
You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle
You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket .. and you know how firm it is before you take it home
You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it
You can go to movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie
You always know where YOUR cucumber has been
You won't find out later that your cucumber: is married, is on penicillin or have AIDS
You don't have to wait until halftime to talk to your cucumber
And don't forget:
All cucumbers are fresh and juicy.
You can keep as many cucumbers as you want.
Your mother won't flip out finding a cucumber in your house.
Cucumbers don't jam the freezer with food you don't like.
Cucumbers don't stay up until 4 and then demand that you take care of them when they get sick.
But on the other hand, cucumbers stay up ALL THE TIME.
Cucumbers don't mind if you enjoy them and a movie at the same time.
Nobody calls you a bigot for having a favorite kind of cucumber.
The cucumbers you raise don't desert you.
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