A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring,
wedding ring, suffering.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he
loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
My girlfriend told me I should be more
affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your
relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than
I like mine."
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can
have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets
double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give
me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home
to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it
is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive
way to get your laundry done free.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much
does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know,
son, I'm still paying for it."
A couple was having a discussion about family
finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my
money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear,
if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
A man said his credit card was stolen but he
decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man from reading
between the lines.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
Some people think life begins at conception, while
others think life begins at birth. But some believe that life begins
when the kid moves out and the dog he left behind dies.
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the
wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 10 grand.
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