A man and his wife are fighting because for the last few months he has been coming home late from work (often 5 hrs late) very drunk indeed! Absolutely legless in fact.
So his wife decided that she would give him one more chance before asking for a divorce. She said that on friday she would like him to buy her her favourite take-away meal and should spend the evening with her ... in a romantic fashion, wink wink ... nudge nudge. Her favourite meal is snails in garlic sauce, from the local French restaurant.
So Friday comes around and her husband does the right thing and buys some garlic snails. On the way home however, he passes the pub. As he was passing his friends shout out and call him in for a beer. He politely declines and explains his problems with his marriage. So they invite him in just for a half pint so he can tell them about his troubles.
... Five hours later he is smashed!!!!
He stumbles home and falls up the steps to his front door, dropping snails everywhere. His wife hears him and opens the door. She shouts "Where the heck have you been?".
He reacts quickly, he looks down at the snails and says "Come along boys .... nearly there!!!!"
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