THE RULES

The Female always makes the Rules. This is necessary because the Male holds the Female responsible for how everything in his life turns out.

The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. Notification does occurs, but the Male has either ignored, misunderstood or forgotten what's been said.

No Male can possibly know all the Rules. Because the Male either ignores, misunderstands or forgets them and never says so.

If the Female suspects the Male knows the Rules, she must immediately change some of the Rules. This is done to keep the Male involved, responsive, and a little bit crazy. Otherwise, life would be predicable and boring.

The Female is never wrong. Never! Ever!

If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which is a direct result of something the Male said or did.

If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

The Female can change her mind at any given point in time. The Female can do this because she willingly accepts responsibility for her actions. The Female also accepts responsibility for the actions of the Male.

Because the Male usually expects the Female to find a way to correct what he's screwed up as a result of changing his mind, the Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.

The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. Caring for the Male 24 hours a day gives her this right. See rule 13.

The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset. Some things in life a Male should try and figure out for himself.

Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm. Or worse.

The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.

The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.

The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non- rebuttable.

If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.

The Male cannot diagnose PMS. However, the Male would be able to do so if it were a Male problem. The Male would then have complete disability benefits as well as total in-house care because of it.

Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.

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