INTERPRETATION

COMPETITIVE SALARY
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Some overtime each night and some overtime each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY
Everyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE EXPERIENCE
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
You're walking into a company that's in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.

WHAT THE APPLICANT SAYS And What the Applicant Really Means

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE
I pilfer office supplies.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION
I've used Microsoft Office.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK
I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M PERSONABLE
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL
I carry a Day-Timer.

WHEN YOU NEED ME I'M THERE
I'm there-not here!

I AM ADAPTABLE
I've changed jobs a lot.

I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED
The minute I find a better job, I'm gone!

I AM ON THE GO
You'll never find me at my desk.