The ABC of EX-Girlfriend

Written by an angry man who was just dumped...sort of a salute to the feelings everyone feels when being dumped

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill (remembering it's still illegal).
L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
M stands for Mephistopheles. That is who she worked for.
N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?
O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.
P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now suing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.
R is for Rich little Witch. She bought my love but I paid for it.
S stands for Stab. Stabbing would be fun (Still illegal!!!).
"S" is also for Steve. Steve was the guy that was sleeping with her. Steve is a bad person. Perhaps you should stab Steve.
T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies. She even tortured you with whips and hand-cuffs.
U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that her is an understatement.
V is for Voluptuous. That is the primary reason you were dating her in the first place.
W stands for Wine. The expensive wine she loved to order when you went out.
"W" is also for the water you enjoyed, not being able to afford anything else to eat.
X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.
Z stands for the last one...which she won't be...

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